It is a straightforward three-step process for counseling. This is a process to use when someone comes to you for help with a problem or wants to discuss something. It's for "normal neurotics just like me and you" but not intended for dealing with patients suffering from serious mental issues.
It avoids giving advice (a mistake in any kind of counseling). If you stick to this method, you'll be safe and probably do much good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening is the act of knowing the meaning of the text and the feelings associated with it.
Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.
Do not make statements that defines the issue or the other person's feelings. Ask instead. Don't say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". "Not, "The issue is . . ." But instead, "You think the problem is . . ." or "The way you see it is . . . ". At this point, it might suffice to simply just say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
The stage is over when the person begins talking about the causes of the issue. You'll know you've achieved success when you receive the agreement of the root of the problem and what the person feels about it.
Stage Two The second stage is Exploratory listening
When the person speaking to you is comfortable, they'll then move onto more profound things. In this moment, you are able to begin asking questions. Inquiring if they've felt this way before; What they have tried in similar situations and whether it worked or not; Whether there are additional thoughts or emotions happening for them. You can, if you see something clearly make observations of the things you observe. Examples include, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and so on. And so on. better to ask questions than to make statements.
The most important thing at this stage is to remain in touch with their emotions at the depth they feel them.
If you can't do this, inform them Don't try to fake it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They will appreciate this more than playing (and they'll always know that you're not really pretending).
This stage ends when the problem is looked at differently, a new insight is gained.
Stage Three: Trying Different Things
When they begin to see things differently, they can start to do things in a different way, or at least make plans to.
The temptation when anyone is contacting you with an issue is to try and jump into this situation quickly. This is a mistake. The only thing that is required is the moment to examine what's going on and to see it from a different perspective.
At this point, you may offer suggestions on what has worked for you.
Do not get caught up in playing "Yes But . . . ".
If they offer reasons for why your suggestions won't work Don't be a defender. Instead, inquire about what they've tried, why it failed, and what they can do differently this time.
You may want to organize that they can check in with you to ensure that they can monitor the progress they make in their new method of working.
This phase is over when they attempt to demonstrate the new behavior with you, or when they've got an idea of the new behavior they would like Amanda Smith to test with other people.
The process is largely about listening.
The other person always knows more about their own situation than you do.
Don't give any advice on what people should do. In the final stage, you might want to share your experiences if you have dealt with a similar issue yourself.
With a bit of practice, you'll become quite proficient very quickly in this area. You could end up becoming someone people come to 'for advice'. As long as you do follow this method and do not offer any advice, you will do lots of good and aid many others.